Days 5 through 7, wrapping up the week.

These last few days have sort of been a blur, but I'll do my best to get the main points.

Went into work on Friday morning extra early.  I wanted to get out of town before the traffic got bad. I got to go out into the field twice at work, and it was awesome.  I got to see an initial site survey, the first meeting with a client/customer (or their contractors) and evaluate their needs and the site itself.  I am hoping I will get to do more of this once I'm fully trained in.  I can do computer work if needed but preferably I want to be able to go do this sort of stuff also, it's the exciting part of the job in my opinion.

I left work and drove up to the cities at 2:30.  Traffic wasn't too horrible, I got home in just under 2 hours.  Went to a therapy appointment.  Didn't really get much progress.  There's a lot of things I want to say but I'm too afraid to say them because sometimes I don't know if what I'm thinking/feeling is actually how I feel or if it's influenced by my depression and anxiety.  There's a lot of big decisions to be made and they aren't easy ones.  But I guess I do know that things just can't keep going the way they are.  I was hoping therapy would help with that but I really don't feel like it does anything at this point.

Saturday we started loading the trailer with stuff.  Most of it was from the garage.  The majority of it was all Jamie's stuff.  So that was sort of frustrating, I mean I know it all has to get moved eventually but I don't know it just irked me to be bringing down a load of pretty much all his junk that was sitting in storage after he moved out of his old house and then just sat in storage in our garage.  I purposefully separated my stuff and his stuff in the new garage just to give him a visual of how much more shit he has than I do when he comes down on Tuesday with Zane.

Went to a baby shower on Saturday which was really nice.  Great people, good beer, and we got rid of a bunch of diapers in sizes that Zane has grown out of already, haha!  After that I went over to Matt's for a fire and some much needed friend time.  Can't believe how nice the weather has been, we are having bonfires in mid November!!!  Hope it stays this way for the rest of the month while we are still moving.

Today (Sunday) has been pretty hectic.  Zane started getting a cold the end of this week and Saturday night was by far the worst.  His cough kept walking him up at night.  We took him to the urgent care and it's nothing serious, so that's good.  Hope he starts feeling better soon.

After we got back from the urgent care place, we were scrambling to get stuff packed and ready to go.  I needed to be on time for my parents, because I didn't want to get a lecture about being late.  So I get down there, and my parents don't show up until 50 minutes after they told me to be there.  I was pretty pissed.  It was because of my sister, no real surprise there.  But then my dad throws a fit about the trailer lights not working.  He was being an asshole so when they left I was like, "Thanks for everything but I think we'll just get a uhaul for the rest of it."  The last thing I need in my life is more stress and that just really hit a sore spot tonight.  It brought up my fears about moving closer to my family.  So I had a pretty bad anxiety attack after that.  I wanted to go to a bar for a drink but I just called Jamie, he helped me get through the anxiety attack and then I got to Lissa's and...FINALLY GOT INTERNET ON MY COMPUTER!!! So now I can make a hail mary attempt to work on NaNoWriMo, in addition to this blog, in addition to moving, in addition to making a baby blanket for Zane...yeah I've got a lot on my plate right now.

Food wise I can't even really tell you what these few days were like.  There was a lot of fast food.  There was excess booze over the weekend.  Hopefully I can start things off on a better foot for the beginning of week two.  I plan to make some kind of soup or stew, since a coworker of mine randomly gave me a brand new crock pot on Friday (seriously, totally random, but hey, free crock pot!).  I have lots of potatoes and onions and sweet potatoes to use so I'll probably look up some recipes on my breaks tomorrow.  I'm going to try to not eat out more than twice this week.  We shall see how that goes!

Day three and four...life is chaos lately.

I'm typing on my phone so this will probably be short.  Still haven't gotten Internet working at Lissa's.

Wednesday I got to go out into the field for the first time and take some measurements for a bridge that was being replaced.  Since the job required me to drive through Winona, on my way back in stopped at my mom's work to surprise her and say hi.  I got to meet her new boss so that was nice.  I knew her old boss pretty well and was sad that she left but this new last seems nice also.

When I was driving back I noticed the farmer's were starting to cut down all the hay and were out in the fields bailing.  Shortly thereafter, my allergies kicked in full force.  I was sneezing almost nonstop the rest of the day.

Jamie picked me up at work and I sat in the back seat by Zane on the way to Dover.  We unpacked and I played with Zane a lot...had to get in all the snuggles that I could!!!  Unfortunately my allergies were taking over my ability to function so Jamie took me back to my car around 7:30 instead of staying until 9.  I came back to Lissa's, took two benadryl, and went to bed.

Food wise I did okay for part of the day, I had a breakfast sandwich and a coffee from kwik trip, then had a sandwich I made for lunch at work.  For dinner though we ended up getting toppers pizza so that pretty much negated all the good I had been doing.

Today (Thursday) I went into work an hour later than usual due to being extremely groggy from the benadryl. That's one nice thing about being in a salaried position, I can make my own hours for the most part, as long as I get my work done.

For breakfast I had leftover pizza.  I was getting really tired during the workday, staring at a computer for hours really wears me out when I'm doing it day after day.  :/  Hoping to do more outside work sooner rather than later. 

Lunch was a spicy tuna roll from Hy-Vee.  It was pretty good, for grocery store sushi.  Not great but it hit the spot.  I worked an extra half hour in hopes that I can get out of town early tomorrow to head back up to the cities.

I drove to Winona after work. Talked with Matt on the drive down which was really nice.  He was making squash too...but didn't know what kind it was which I found amusing.  MYSTERY SQUASH!   When I got to my parents house i swapped vehicles with my dad.  He also bought a brand new trailer this week and it's huuuge so I have that too.  I stopped and saw my grandparents who had just gotten back from vacationing around Branson, MO.  Grandma made me a chicken breast sandwich.

On the way home I played some ingress to get my mind off of things.  After work tomorrow I have a therapy appointment with Jamie.  Worried about what to say...or what not to say...I don't know.  Just too much to think about right now so I just end up pushing it out of my head.

I was still hungry after getting back to Lissa's so I heated up the rest of the squash.  Definitely need to get another one of those!!!  Busy weekend ahead...we shall see what it brings.  I hope to get a lot of stuff moved this weekend.

Day one, one day late, and day two, at the library.

I am glad that we are starting this up again.  I think it will be good for my mental health as well as my physical health.  Unfortunately, my desktop does not currently have internet due to a faulty ethernet cord and the fact that I STILL cannot get the wireless to work properly on it.  I've never been able to get it to work, which is extremely frustrating considering I was a freaking technician, installing and repairing internet day in and day out.  *sigh*

I moved my basic living supplies into Lissa's apartment late Sunday night after Zane went to bed.  She also has three cats, but sadly I am not used to their dander and my allergies have been flaring up.  I may even need to take some allergy medication.

I started my first day at work on Monday.  I grabbed a frozen breakfast burrito and was about 10 minutes early to work, but didn't get inside until after 7am since I didn't have a key for the building (I do now, though!) My anxiety was pretty high the whole day but overall I think things went well.  I didn't really do any engineering work, I spent the day mostly working on getting access to the various different programs I will need, and changing over my company  information (work numbers and address, etc).  I went to lunch with my fellow engineer, named Matt.  Went to Hy-Vee and I had a rice bowl with garlic chicken.  He has a 7 month old daughter named Ansley (sp?) and I was super excited to meet someone who also had a tiny human, but then found out they live in Nelson, WI.  I don't know how he can stand commuting that far every day.

After work I checked out the Rochester Athletic Club.  It's a more expensive gym, but it's right by my work and it has basically all the amenities I liked at Life Time Fitness.  It's about the same price also.  Only downside is that they charge for their child cares services.  But it's not super expensive, only 3 dollars for up to 2.5 hours of child care, even for infants.  And they don't charge me for bringing Zane until he's 2 years old.  I didn't sign up on the spot due to lack of funds, but I have a one day pass that I'll use probably next week and then sign up after the 15th, because then I'll get the rest of this month for freeeee!

I went back to Lissa's after that and decided to make butternut squash.  I threw it in the oven since Lissa was going to be home all evening.  I ran to the grocery store and spent what little cash I had left on ingredients for a greek salad and sandwich supplies so I can make lunches for work.  I got some juice and wanted to get some vodka to go with it, but decided against it.  When I got back the squash was pretty much done and I had about a quarter of it with some brown sugar and butter.  It was fantastic!  I'm not a great cook but fortunately squash is super simple.

Mentally I had an okay night.  Went to bed early, missing my baby.  Thinking a lot.  It was nice to not have to be constantly on edge about making sure the baby is okay.  I understand why mothers are always so high strung and frantic all the time.  It just comes with the whole birthing package apparently.

I went into work a half hour earlier today (Tuesday).  I am salaried now so I can pretty much make my own hours.  And although I hate mornings, it's easier to get up a bit earlier because then I don't have to fight for bathroom time since Lissa gets up around that same time also.  Plus getting done earlier was nice.

Work was fairly similar to the day before, but I did get to observe one of the engineers for about a half hour, so that was nice to actually see some of what the job entails.  My work phone got upgraded to a smart phone, and I spent a good chunk of time trying to remember how to operate an iPhone, since the last time I used one was years ago, which was also a work phone.  I don't, and won't, ever buy one for personal use.

I got the keys to my truck today.  Everyone else has nice new trucks...and I get the old rust bucket, of course.  But hey, it'll get me where I need to go...and out of the office!  So tomorrow will be my first adventure, I have to drive to LaMoille to do some measurements for a bridge that is being replaced.

After work I tried to nap but there was loud drumming sounds coming from the apartment above me. Literally, he was either playing the drums or playing rockband.  I'm definitely grateful to be moving into a house in December and not an apartment.

Since I couldn't nap, I drove to Dover to drop off a few things I had left in my car at the house we will be moving into.  The owner is pretty awesome, he has already given us the keys and is letting us move stuff in without having to pay for this month.  So the next couple of weekends I'll be trading vehicles with my dad (he has a truck and a trailer) and taking that back up to the cities with me to try and get as much stuff moved down to Dover as possible.  If we're really lucky we won't even have to rent a Uhaul, but I'm not banking on that.  It all depends on how much Jamie gets done around the house while I'm gone.

I've really wanted a beer like...all day today.  I have resisted the urge but might grab something on the way home.  Haven't decided yet.  I'm currently at the library typing this, because it was just too hard to try and type this on my phone.  I'll have money on Thursday to get a longer, working ethernet cord.  Or maybe I'll just have Jamie bring down my tools tomorrow when he comes to visit so I can make my own.

For supper I think I'll have a greek salad, and a grilled cheese sammich.  Yummmm.  Been missing my baby quite a bit today.  But it's also been refreshing to have a break from everything.  I wish I could clear my head though, I still feel like all my thoughts and emotions are jumbled and indistinguishable.  I'm hoping that having this month mostly to myself during the week will help be figure things out.